The pain inside me used to eat me from the inside out, as if boiling water
Scorched my skin to third-degree burns. Breathing was difficult. Eating was
Impossible. Sleeping was something I could not do. I was out of my mind and
Couldn’t even recognize my own parents. I thought they were evil spirits
My ups and downs resulted in me staying home all day watching
Marathons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson Creek and One Tree Hill. I
Got lost in a world where everything wasn’t hurting, I also lost track of time
And hated my life so badly I tried to kill myself again.
At the time, I wasn’t happy I survived the doctor pumping my stomach and
Recharging my heart. I believed they had wasted their time.
Although, as I saw the pain and worry in my parents and sisters eyes a
Part of me knew they needed me in this world so I had to learn how to survive
I started Alliance House in 2011. I recognized the pain disappearing slowly
As I was put to work both in a transitional employment and at the clubhouse.
My transitional employment was with Camp Bow Wow, working with dogs. I
Liked it and enjoyed being able to bring my service dog to play with other
Small animals like her.
The biggest show came when something else started happening. I thought
I was sick. I went to my therapist to see what was wrong with me. When I
Described my symptoms of calmness, a bubbling inside and the need to sing,
Write and dance again, I thought I was going through another maniac state,
But my therapist asked me other questions.
My answers were I was sleeping again, dreaming again and the
Urge to eat again. Instead of staying in bed all day, I jumped out of bed to go
See my new friends at the clubhouse, go to work and finally got my life back.
She said I wasn’t experiencing mania, I was feeling happy, something that
Had become foreign to me over time since being diagnosed at the age of
Twenty. Hospital stays became non-existent and I haven’t tried to hurt my myself
Since then, I had a successful job for two years as a peer specialist where
I could in turn help others deal with their mental illness, published two novels
Starting in 2012, graduated college with a bachelor’s degree and currently
working on a third novel with a writing coach and a New York City literary
agent. If I ever make real money, I would donate to the Alliance House
because they are one of the main reasons the days are lighter, that I am
writing again and that I not only love myself but have the ability to help and